


Buggered Backwards

by Zero_Sugar



Category: Red Dwarf (UK TV)
Genre: Alive!Rimmer AU, Backwards (episode), Comedy, Early-Hardlight!Rimmer AU, M/M, whichever you prefer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:40:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24690037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zero_Sugar/pseuds/Zero_Sugar
Summary: Set during Backwards, Rimmer and Lister have shared an unexpected experience together.
Relationships: Dave Lister/Arnold Rimmer
Comments: 11
Kudos: 31





	Buggered Backwards

Important: Set during Backwards, but pretend that Rimmer is either alive or hard light. That is all.

* * *

"What the smeg was _that?_ " Lister exclaimed entirely beside himself as he rolled, panting onto the floor. Rimmer lay next to him, equally as baffled.

" _You tell me_ , Lister! _You_ were the one who waltzed in here and initiated it!" Rimmer pushed himself up onto his elbows, Lister rolled onto his side, facing Rimmer.

"Hang about, I seem to remember it were _you_ who started it! You attacked me gob!"

"You threw yourself at me!"

" _You_ desperately put my clothes _back on!_ "

" _You_ mended my _ripped buttons_ "

"You _climbed_ on top of me!"

"Lister, Your arse _sucked my dick inside!_ "

"Rimmer, _Your_ dick _hoovered your cum_ back out me _arse!_ \- That felt _propa weird!_ "

"You _un-nibbled_ my nipples!"

"You _chewed off_ that giant ass bite mark I had on me shoulder!"

"You _begged_ me to!"

"Well you _pounded me_ like you were a dying man!"

" _You_ screamed my name!"

" _You_ screamed _mine!_ "

The pair, wide-eyed, red faced and panting, stared at each other with a mixture of bewilderment, panic and lust.

Lister groaned. " _That's_ why my arse was so sore when we landed here. _Holy fucking smeg Rimmer!_ I wasn't expectin' to get here and have the first sex I've had in _years_ to be with you _and_ in _reverse!_ No wonder I felt so _satisfied_."

"You did?"

" _Yeah_ \- Bloody hell Rimmer, I didn't _throw_ myself on you, my legs felt like smeggy jelly, I _fell_ on you! You _buggered me_ utterly stupid!"

"I did?" Rimmer paused for a moment, "Did you like it?"

Lister let out a hysterical laugh. "Did I like it?" He repeated, " _Of course_ I smegging liked it! You had me _actually drooling!_ I never thought I'd enjoy having it _up me bum_ but here I am horny as all smeg ready for another round!"

They fell silent at that, listening to the muffled sounds of the pub. The elephant in the corner of the room, once tiny enough to crawl out from underneath them, was now struggling to fit inside, half of it's arse trying to escape the window. Soon it became too painful for the poor thing to stay silent, and so it let out a loud trumpet, declaring it's presence.

"You said you loved me."

\---

Don't ask. 

Okay you can ask but I have no answer for you.

Also if anybody would like to actually write said sex scene, feel absolutely free to do so, just let me know so I can read xD


End file.
